Feel like you failed big time?
Me too! So many times I lost count. Failure is part of growing and learning in life. I have some big failures I haven’t shared openly before, so today you will get to hear something very personal from me. I won’t get into details; perhaps later I can break this all apart and share with you on separate occasions. But here is what I want to share with you about how I felt like I failed big time and 3 reasons I found to move on and move forward with my life.
I lived years with a ghost haunting my head and whispering in my ears telling me how I had miserably failed as a mom and how I neglected my children for the sake of ministry. Then I realized in the process how I felt like I had also failed as a wife and homemaker, always being too busy to keep up with the most important things and people in my life. I failed in ministry and in business when everything came crashing down due to chronic stress and several health problems aggravated by it. Me, a pastor and a health coach, failing in ministry because I didn’t take care of my health as I should!? Didn’t I know better? Yes. Did I see it coming? Yes. Could I have prevented it from happened? Maybe.
I believe we have all been there, in this place of feeling like a failure where you want to hide from the world and simply give up on things. Let’s be honest with each other, shall we? We fail! We do. This is part of life. Friend, it is totally ok to fail! Did you hear me? It is ok! What is not ok, is to feel like you will never succeed just because you failed once, twice… a thousand times!! It doesn’t matter, get it? Hey, I thought I have failed so miserably that there was no way I could restart my life and succeed again.
Here is what you need to know when you fail:
You learned new lessons – Oh so many new lessons!
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. – Thomas A. Edison”
–> Ask yourself: what have I done wrong? And what can I learn from it? Make a list. Seriously!
I’ve found so many lessons worth learning during my hardships. I grew and so will you! I matured and so will you! Don’t let fear of failure to paralyze you and rob you of the victory that is ahead of you! Did you know that great inventors, writers, business owners and so many famous people did not let their failures keep them from their victory? One of my favorite encouraging stories is about Dr. Seuss, whose first book was turned down by 27 publishers! Can you imagine our kids today without reading his fabulous books? I’m sure these were people who learned great lessons from their mistakes. So, what lessons have you learned from your failures?
Quitting is not an option – NOT AN OPTION PERIOD!
–> Ask yourself: how can I do it right? Yes, that’s the million dollar question, right? I know.
Here is a way I’ve learned to help me: research it! Read about it. Talk to other people who have gone through the same, they will share so many nuggets with you and you don’t have to keep banging your head against the wall. Learn, learn, learn, keep learning, apply what you learned and repeat the process again!
When I felt like I was failing as a wife I started to read about ways to improve my marriage, ways to pray for my husband and myself, ways to improve our communication, ways we could feel more connected… Together we listened to podcasts and watched Bible studies about what God intended for us as a couple. I did not quit until I could learn from my mistakes and make things better! I know sadly not all marriages improve, and separation and divorce unfortunately happens. It is heartbreaking! I know. Two of my best friends went through it and my heart was in pieces for them and still is. I still believe in miracles! I still believe in the restoration of marriages and I will not stop praying for them. I have two other friends who remarried their ex-husbands after 10+ years of being divorced! There is HOPE!! And our God is a God of Hope!
Either it is in marriage, parenting, blogging, ministry, work, whatever area of life you feel like you have failed – There is hope! You still can come out victorious if you don’t give up!
Here are two Scriptures that remind us not to give up and how God will never fail us:
“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9 (NIV)
“Be determined and confident. Do not be afraid of them. Your God, the Lord himself, will be with you. He will not fail you or abandon you.” – Deuteronomy 31:6 (GNTD)
God has got our back, we may fail once in a while to learn some important lessons but He will not fail! Ever! He is still there with you, right now, through this all. Let Him speak into your life. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you every step of the way. Ask the Lord: how can I do it right? I found that many times, the reason I failed was because I tried to do it on my own. If this is you, holding it back from Him, just place it in His hand right now. He is there for you and so am I!
Know your why! Why do you want to succeed in this?
–> Ask yourself: why is this important to me? Knowing my whys have kept me motivated to keep going, it challenges me to learn more, try harder and not give up. Back in January, this year, Ryan and I decided to do our first
Knowing my whys have kept me motivated to keep going, it challenges me to learn more, try harder and not give up. Back in January, this year, Ryan and I decided to do our first vision retreat in 9 years of marriage. We needed to hear from God, spend time together talking about our life, marriage, children, ministry, careers, finances, etc. A time set apart for us to dream together, pray together and receive a new vision from the Lord. (Best weekend ever!!) We want to have a marriage that is glorifying to God and an example to our children in every area. That is our why for doing everything we do to continue to make our marriage better!
While we talked about every area of our lives we asked ourselves our whys, we wrote down our goals, visions, and even a family mission statement. We knew that this was important to keep us focused and encouraged to accomplish everything we believe the Lord wants us to accomplish this year. I have done this on my own too, several times. When hard homeschooling days hit me I read my why and vision statement on why I chose to homeschool my children in the first place. It so encourages me! I know why but I still need to be reminded over and over again.
Here are examples of my personal whys:
- I chose to eat healthy, so I would never have cancer again and I would teach my kids to take better care of their bodies for God’s glory.
- I dedicated myself to ministry full-time for the past 15 years, so more people will know Jesus Christ as their personal savior. I want everyone to know what He did in my life and how He could also save, heal and change their lives.
- I became a health coach so I could help and encourage other busy moms to provide whole food nutrition to their family without breaking the bank and to teach them natural ways to boost their immunity and heal their bodies so they can live the life more abundant Jesus died on the cross for us to have.
Friend, what is your why? What are the reasons that will help you to move forward? You only need to find one and make it your everyday encouragement and inspiration to keep going!
I want to leave you today with these powerful Scriptures:
…And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:3-4
“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where our forerunner, Jesus, has entered on our behalf. He has become a high priest forever, in the order of Melchizedek.” Hebrews 6:19-20
“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” James 1:12
I’m right here cheering you up! YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE just because something in your life did not go the way you expected. We all have failures and falls in life. But we all learn new lessons and let’s put it this way: this makes us wiser! 🙂
Friend, if things are tough right now, hang in there! Don’t give up! Write down your “whys” to keep going and make it visible to you – print it out and hang on the wall! Write a faith statement and use it as a daily declaration over you and your situation! Do it every day!
YOUR TURN: What helped you move on from feeling like you have failed? If you still going through this valley, how can I encourage you and pray for you?