Habit Training: The Key to Homeschool and Parenting Success

Ana Willis

2 weeks ago

Are you investing time in habit training?

As a young mother, I naively believed that my children would one day just become attentive, obedient, and orderly. I thought to myself, “One day they will finally get it and I will be able to stop nagging them, saying, ‘do this,’ or ‘don’t do that, or I will…'” It is exhausting to repeat yourself over and over with little to no avail.

We, parents, long for our homes to run smoothly, where children would brush their teeth and stop leaving their clothes on the floor without us saying a word and where children would promptly answer “yes, ma’am” or “yes, sir” when asked to do something without talking back or questioning why.

Two young children gardening together outdoors, illustrating the concept of habit training in a Charlotte Mason-inspired homeschool setting.

Enter the giveaway at the bottom of this blog post.

Homeschooling and parenting can be exhausting and frustrating when kids don’t listen to their parents. This is a constant battle that slows down productivity in their home and homeschool, raising our stress levels, and even hurting our relationship with our children.

Thankfully, there is a way to turn this situation around and secure yourself smooth days ahead, and that is through daily intentional habit training.

Charlotte Mason, a 19th-century British educator, believed that a third of our education is based on habits.

“Therefore, we are limited to three educational instruments—the atmosphere of environment, the discipline of habit, and the presentation of living ideas.”

(Charlotte Mason, Home Education, Principle #5.)

“The formation of habits is education and education is the formation of habits.”

(Charlotte Mason, Home Education, p. 97)

Habit Training Secures Us Smooth and Easy Days

“The mother who takes pains to endow her children with good habits secures for herself smooth and easy days; while she who lets their habits take care of themselves has a weary life of endless friction with the children. All day she is crying out, ‘Do this!’ and they do it not; ‘Do that!’ and they do the other”

(Charlotte Mason, Home Education, p. 136)

Habits are regular routines we practice organically, like brushing our teeth. They are behaviors that have become automatic through repetition. While good habits are beneficial, bad habits are detrimental to our lives.

Good habits don’t form overnight. It takes time, intentionality, and persistence in habit training. Miss Mason reminded us that we’re all creatures of habits.

“As for the child’s becoming the creature of habit, that is not left with the parent to determine. We are all mere creatures of habit”.

(Charlotte Mason, Home Education, p. 110)

The formation of good habits should be part of the daily routine and discipline of every parent.

“The well-brought-up child has always been a child carefully trained in good habits”.

(Charlotte Mason, Parents and Children, p. 174)

Habit Training Is Easy To Implement

Consistent repetition forms habits. Consistency is the key to success in the formation of good habits. About half of what we do daily comes from habits we developed over time.

Miss Mason advised parents to focus on only one habit at a time for a period of 6-8 weeks. She compared habit training to laying down the rails that would lead children towards given ends.

“We have lost sight of the fact that habit is to life what rails are to transport cars. It follows that lines of habit must be laid down towards given ends and after careful survey, or the joltings and delays of life become insupportable.”

(Charlotte Mason, A Philosophy of Education, p. 101)

These carefully laid down rails take the child from a bad habit to a good habit.

While Miss Mason recommended starting habit training by teaching first the habit of obedience. I find it better to start with the habit of attention. After all, if a child does not know how to pay attention, how will she carry out an instruction?

Next, focus on the habit of obedience, truthfulness then any other habits your child needs more help with. Whatever habit will benefit your child the most should be the parent’s top priority. Many families might decide to first focus on manners or self-control after the habits of attention and obedience.

Keeping A Realistic Expectation During Habit Training

While habit training is easy to implement, each child is unique. Depending on the habit, a child might require more than just 6-8 weeks to establish a new habit.

After 6-8 weeks, the parent should carefully evaluate if the child is ready to move on to the next habit. If necessary, let the child stay on the current habit a little longer. I also highly recommend “looping” on some important habits every year or two,, as it seems necessary. For many years, we revisited important habits such as attention and obedience as we saw a need for them.

Now that I have three teenagers who are wonderfully obedient and independent learners. However, the habits of order, modesty, and managing one’s own body (yes, that’s a habit, too) still require extra training.

This year, we have been particularly working on religious habits. I now enjoy seeing my teens spending daily quiet time with the Lord. They read their Bibles daily, listen to worship music, and pray on their own.

It is a blessing to see the fruit of our “pain to endow our children in good habits”. No matter how long it takes, the end results will not disappoint you.

Motivating A Child to Cultivate Good Habits

‘Sow a habit, reap a character.’ But we must go a step further back, we must sow the idea or notion which makes the act worthwhile.”

– Charlotte Mason

A child needs to understand why forming good habits matters, the benefits, and the consequences of each habit.

We motivate a child to cultivate good habits through living examples. By using stories, poems, Bible verses, quotes, and daily life situations, children learn the natural consequences of our habits.

There are many wonderful habit and character training resources for homeschoolers. My favorite is the Laying Down The Rails series by Simply Charlotte Mason. I’ve been using this habit training curriculum with my children for many years.

Laying Down The Rails For Children provides open-and-go lessons for homeschoolers. All lessons are based on Charlotte Mason’s philosophy of education.

This particular curriculum covers 26 habits divided into five different categories:

Mental Habits: attention, observation, memorizing, and others.
Moral Habits: integrity, obedience, self-control, truthfulness, and others.
Physical Habits: fortitude, health, self-restraint in Indulgences, and more.
Religious Habits: Bible reading, daily prayer, reverent attitude, and more.
Decency and Property Habits: cleanliness, manners, patience, and more.

It is amazing how these simple and short lessons help children to understand the natural consequences of their actions. I recommend doing a Laying Down the Rails lesson twice a week. The lessons are short. Only 10-15 minutes are enough to keep the child’s attention. Each lesson produces wonderful discussions among us and keeps my children motivated to establish the new habit.

As parents, our daily consistency in habit training is key. Our constant encouragement and hopeful expectations are great motivators for the child to practice the new habit.

Habit Training Set Children Up For Success

The habits of the child produce the character of the man… every day, every hour, the parents are either passively or actively forming those habits in their children upon which, more than upon anything else, future character and conduct depend.”

(Charlotte Mason, Home Education, p. 118)

While habit training might take arduous and diligent work from parents, it is sure to bring great rewards. In Galatians chapter 6, Paul reminds us that whatever one sows, he will also reap. We must not grow weary and lose heart in doing good. Habit training requires perseverance and patience. However, the payoff is incredibly fulfilling.

Habit training produces an orderly home, a more productive homeschool time, and better relationships between children and parents. It also produces a peaceful and respectful atmosphere. Most importantly, habit training produces good character and discipline for th child to succeed in every area of life.

“The habits of the child produce the character of the man”, wrote Miss Mason. The daily habits parents faithfully work on producing in their children today will never be in vain. It will bring forth adults who are honest, punctual, responsible, and kind among many other qualities.

Habit training sets children up for success and it also brings parents peace of mind. Once parents work hard in laying down the rails for their child and establish good habits, they can rest assured their child “will go the right way and grow to fruitful purpose”.

“Let children alone-…the education of habit is successful in so far as it enables the mother to let her children alone, not teasing them with perpetual commands and directions – a running fire of Do and Don’t ; but letting them go their own way and grow, having first secured that they will go the right way and grow to fruitful purpose.”

(Charlotte Mason, Home Education, p.134)

Habit Training Is Not Just For Children

It is never too late to begin the formation of good habits, even for us parents.

I will never forget how convicted I felt on our very first habit training lesson. The definition of attention read: “turning the whole force of the mind to the subject in hand”. As I read those words to my 3, 5, and 7-year-olds, my heart sank. I felt a sick feeling of guilt and shame in my stomach and tears began to roll down my cheeks.

As a mother, I didn’t how to fully pay attention to my children without an undivided heart.

For many years, I had bought into the trap of busyness and lived in constant multitasking mode. I was able to do many things at the same time but none with excellency. Juggling daily between housework, homeschooling, full-time ministry, and my online business, had my attention split in many directions. This only led me to severe burnout.

That lesson changed my life. I knew I needed good habits more than my little ones at that point. As my children began to learn and practice good habits, so did I.

Habit Training Resources For You

Dear friend, I write to you today not as someone who always had it all together. I experienced the life-changing power of habit training not just in my children but also in myself.

There are 5 books about habits I highly recommend to moms:

If you are also struggling, habit training is the solution. It will bring more order and peace in your home, and smooth days ahead for you and your children.

Homeschooling and parenting it’s much easier when we all have good habits. Habit training produces lifelong benefits in our lives, including great character.

For a Christian community of like-minded Charlotte Mason-inspired moms and monthly habit training for your kids and teens, join me in The Homeschool Sisterhood.

Run your home and homeschool on autopilot with my free masterclass here, and download my weekly routine checklists templates for kids and teens.

A Back-to-School Giveaway for You!

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