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Just a few days ago, I was nine weeks pregnant with my fourth child and never had a miscarriage before. For seven years, I have waited and prayed for another child. I was thrilled! Life was exciting, full of hope.
We announced to our family, friends, readers, and of course, to our three children who were beyond excited to have a baby brother or sister. What a joy! Life seems to be perfect.
The First Signs of A Miscarriage
I was getting ready for Bible study when I first start bleeding. I tried to stay calm and not let fear enter my heart. My husband prayed with me and we carried on to our church small group.
I held it all together as I felt the bleeding continuing, still fighting fear in my heart. And as soon as the Bible study was over, our friend offered to stay with our kids as we made way to the nearest ER.
As we waited, we prayed. We tried to stay positive but the bleeding continued. After nothing but a blood work and a few hours being monitored, they sent me home.
We picked up the children and went to bed, still believing everything was going to be ok. But it wasn’t. The bleeding picked up in the middle of the night.
Again we prayed and asked God to stop that bleeding. But the bleeding and cramps continued. I fought to go back to the ER the next day because I knew I would have to wait for hours before I could be seeing.
When My Worse Fears Came True
Ryan dropped me off at the hospital and took the kids to my niece’s birthday party.
I stayed alone. Broken. Lost. Bleeding. In pain.
It got worse. Much worse. I dragged myself to the reception sobbing asking the nurse for help. My heart was shattered in a million pieces. My miracle baby was slipping away from me…
For the next 24 hours, I experienced a pain I never knew before. I felt so hopeless. There was nothing I could do to stop it.
Yet in my pain and sorrow, I felt God’s presence holding me tight. His peace and comfort surrounded me like a blanket. At that moment, I knew my baby was in heaven. I knew he/she was with Jesus. He/She had no pain, no sorrow.
Dear, Friend. There is Healing After a Miscarriage.
It takes time, I hear, but it gets better with each day. The physical and emotional healing will look different for each person, but you and I will heal one day.
We will always miss our babies, we will always remember the pain of our miscarriage, but we will live. And as we carry on with our lives, we can turn our painful experience into an opportunity to minister comfort to those who are going through the same pain.
5 Things That Are Helping Me Find Healing After My Miscarriage
1- Writing And Talking About It
It’s ok to be vulnerable. The last thing you want is to grieve in silence and alone. Talk all you need! Validate your feelings. I wrote about it when I was devastated, angry, hopeful… Don’t be afraid of sharing your feelings. If you don’t have many friends you can talk to, look for a counselor who can guide you through your grieving process. Don’t keep your pain to yourself.
2 – Knowing These Two Things
1 – It’s is NOT My Fault! It is No One’s Fault!
My head was overflowing with lies, guilt, shame, and condemnation after I lost my baby. I blamed myself. My mom blamed me for hopping on a plane to go to a conference across the country. I blamed my husband for not wanting any more children.
The enemy of our souls, want us to feel miserable, shameful and condemned. He tries to fill our heads with lies so we can fall deep into the pit he wants us to dwell in.
We need to realize that and stop the blaming game! Blaming ourselves or anyone else will not bring us healing.
Watch this short 3 minutes video.
Video credit: Kristina Kuzmic – To the mom who just had a miscarriage…
2 – You Are Not Alone
I was amazed by how many women I knew that had one or more miscarriages. As I opened up, my inbox was floated with loving messages from friends and strangers who have suffered this devastating loss before. Emails from moms in our community filled my inbox with words of encouragement and hope.
You are not alone in your miscarriage pain, dear friend. And there is something comforting about hear the words “I know your pain and I’m praying for you”. So here am I, praying for you even before you read this, to let you know that I know your pain. I know exactly how you are feeling now. Confused. Heartbroken. Devastated.
But better days will come. God will heal your broken heart. He will fill you will hope and joy again. I know. I’m starting to feel my heart beating again, and you will too.
3 – Memorializing & Honoring Your Baby
Your baby was real. Even though you may not have held him/her in your arms or seen your little angels face. There are a few ways you can honor the memory of your baby and here are five ideas:
- Give your baby a name.
- Hold a memorial service at your home.
- Write a letter to your baby and send up to the sky with helium-filled balloons.
- Plant a tree.
- Create a memory book.
We didn’t know if our baby was a boy or a girl, but we prayed and ask the Lord to give our child a name and the name Yirmyahu Shalom came to my heart as I read my Bible. The name Yirmyahu (Jeremiah) in Hebrew means “may God be exalted” and shalom means “peace, wholeness”. And that is our prayer and hope, that God would be exalted in our lives even in our pain and give us His peace that surpasses all understanding.
We also choose to plant a tree in Israel in memory of our baby. A dear friend reminded me of a Pro-Life ministry in Israel called Be’ad Chaim (There’s still life) and Gardens of Life where they plant trees in memory of the unborn.
Do what is meaningful to you and your family.
4 – Reading God’s Word
Nothing speaks to me more than reading or listening to the Bible during my lowest days. God speaks through His Word. Even if you don’t believe in God now, you will be amazed if you give it a try.
At night, when I can’t sleep, I use the Bible App on my iPhone to listen to the Psalms. It calms me down, fills my mind with hopeful words, and quiet my disturbing thoughts.
In the morning, again, before my day begins, I listen to the Daily Audio Bible, read my Bible, take notes of verses that spoke hope to my heart, and pray. These verses keep coming back to my mind during the day, as I go for walks, drive somewhere, or stay home with the kids.
God’s Word reminds me that I can cast my worries upon Him because He cares for me. It brings life, hope, and healing to our soul.
I also started a gratitude challenge so I can shift my focus to my blessings in spite of my circumstances.
5 – Listening To Worship Music
If I don’t have anything good to occupy my mind with, my mind will quickly be filled with sorrow and depressing thoughts, so I keep the worship music playing.
As I get ready for my day, I click on my Praise 106.5 App. At first, I couldn’t sing along, but now I do. And these uplifting and encouraging songs make such a difference in my day.
I’m been encouraged by so many songs these days. Here are some of them.
There is Hope & Healing After a Miscarriage
A few weeks ago, I didn’t know what a miscarriage was. I had no idea what to expect during and after it happened to me. I looked for information to help me online. Anything that could point me to ways to find healing and hope again. This is the most complete guide about miscarriages I found online and it’s so important for us and our loved ones to also read it. This other post was also very helpful, also.
I found hope from encouraging words of those who have gone through what I am going and they all said “it will get better”. I’m finding healing and wholeness as I chose to feed myself with what gives me hope and a glimpse of joy in the midst of my pain.
It was just over a week ago. It’s still so fresh in my memory. So painful. I’m grieving and hurting still. I know it will take time. And I know I am not alone. God has raised an army to speak words of comfort and encouragement to my heart. And I pray, my words and my journey through healing, will encourage you today.
I know I have an angel in heaven, and my angel is waiting for me.
One day, I will hold my baby in my arms and it will be like we have never been apart.
This is my hope, and hope is the open door that leads us to our healing.
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Well said Ana!! My friend, your words will help many people. I love you.
Your words also help others to heal their own worry. You motivate them how they can move on.
Amen, Onipa!
Lifted you in prayer today as you continue your healing process after the loss of your baby.
Thank you so much, Lisa!!
It has been such a long and slow process, but praise God, I’m beginning to heal now.
Happy new year!! May 2019 be your beyond blessed year. 🙂
Ana,
I just wanted to tell you that I’m so sorry for your loss!!! It is such an indescribable pain!!! We lost a baby around 18 weeks and found out when we went for an ultrasound (the normal mid pregnancy ultrasound). It was such a shock!!! Only through God’s help was I able to function in the days and weeks that followed – knowing that my older two boys and my husband needed me gave me the motivation I needed to be able to get out of bed each morning!!! I pray God heaps his love upon you during this time! And I know you don’t know me, but if I can help or be a listening ear, please feel free to contact me! I will be praying for you!!!
Thank you so much, Ladonna!! Your comment means so much to me!! Every day I feel stronger because of the love and support of the community around me and people like you praying for me.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. We lost two precious babies many years ago. It is devastating but you will feel better, truly. I pray that you will continue to heal physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Thank you, Debbie! I’m sorry for your loss too! It is devastating. We lost another one 3 months ago.
I came across this post randomly on Facebook, but I know it was God. I delivered my little one at home 2 days ago after hearing, “I’m sorry but there is no heartbeat.” Today I took her to the funeral home. I cried as I read this post and wished I could reach out and hug you. I am living all of the things that you felt. I know God brought me to this site to help with the next steps. Where do I go from here? I have hope that I’ll see her again, but it hurts so much right now.
Oh, Lara! I am so sorry you are going through this pain! There is no pain like it and grief is hard and it will take time. You will have days that you will want to scream in pain and you will sob and it’s ok! It’s all part of the process of grieving and healing. Many days I couldn’t help but cry, others I was able to pull myself together and turn my pain to God in prayer and worship. Do that always! Turn to Him! His divine love and comfort heal us little by little as we trust Him. I will pray for you. Come back here and read this again when you need. Drop me a note when you need prayer. One day, dear Lara, we will hug our little ones waiting for us in Heaven, I know we will! And that day will be glorious!! In the meantime, we comfort those who have gone through the same pain and we take comfort that we’re not alone. Sending you a big virtual hug and a shoulder for you to cry when you need it.